Chamber of the Heart

I don’t want to bring anyone down this morning, but I know I am not the only one who has experienced this and I just need to write it down. Perhaps it will help someone who has felt this way.

This will be the second Christmas since the last of my family went home. The first Christmas was just four months after my baby Sis left to join our parents and sister. I was still in a season of shock. I know they are happy, young and perfect where they are but there is a rather large hole in the chamber of my heart. Most days go by without the thought that all four of them are gone. They were each so terribly sick and I prayed God would heal them…He did…His way. He took them home with Him. An amazing gift to them but great sadness for those who loved them. The second Christmas has almost arrived.

I was cleaning house on Saturday, putting candles around. I was given a beautiful photo collage of my family by my cousin Rosie. Photos of the five of us when we were all young and separation by death was not in our minds.  It is a treasure. I put a candle below this collage and then set a miniature Christmas tree there to. I began to gaze at their beautiful faces and that hole in my heart just overwhelmed me. I pulled a chair up and just sat quietly for a minute looking at each face. Tears and sorrow surfaced.

Dad, Mom, Renetta and Pam do you wonder what I am doing? Do you miss my voice like I miss yours?  Do you try to remember what my laughter sounds like, or how my smile made you happy like I try to remember yours?  Is there excitement about Christmas where you are?Of course, their answers do not come. I spent a good many minutes looking at their beautiful faces and then I had a Hello Father moment. I didn’t write this time, I just talked to him. I asked Him if He knew what their loss meant to me? Will that hole in my heart that nothing can fill, ever heal completely over?  Silence. So, I went on about my work. A few hours later I began tidying my study table.

Thought For Today:

I should know by now, to expect a response. I still am amazed  at where God leads me in His word that brings comfort. My eyes fell on Isaiah 65:24.  I have come to the conclusion that He knew when I was assembling the candle and tree and gazing at the photo of my family that tears and a conversation were coming. Jesus knows sorrow. He has wept at the death of His friend Lazarus. He has all the answers to my questions. Will He give them to me now? Probably not. But what He will and does give us is His constant attention to our sorrows.  He understands grief. Perhaps He weeps with us. Oh, and that hole in my heart? As time goes by Jesus will fill that right up with lots of love, mercy, grace, compassion and rememberance of  long forgotten memories of those who now reside with Him.  Psalm 55:18 states that he has redeemed our soul from the battle that was against us. Those battles are initiated by the enemy. Our Jesus knows how to handle Him too.

Isaiah 65:24

24 “It shall come to pass That before they call, I will answer; And while they are still speaking, I will hear. (NKJV)

Psalm 55:17-18

17 Evening and morning and at noon I will pray, and cry aloud, And He shall hear my voice. 18 He has redeemed my soul in peace from the battle that was against me, For there were many against me. (NKJV)

Prayer For Today:

Hello Father! Thank You for the forgiveness of sin and eternal life through Jesus. No matter how recent or how long since our loss and time of sorrow, memories come to mind…tears fall. Thank You for sending Jesus to stand in the gap with us. Thank You that our prayers and cries for help are known to You before we call. My prayer is for all those who approach Christmas with loss and a place in their heart that only You can heal. Bless them, comfort them,  bring them peace and an abundance of love. Forgive us of our sins. In Jesus’ name. Amen.