I hoard sermon worksheets. That is, I hold on to every bulletin insert from any sermon I have heard. I have to remove them from my Bible periodically because the case will not zip. I fill in the blanks as the sermon progresses. Slide it in among the pages, zip it up and it is there until my Bible overflows.
I was going through these today and found a jewel. It is dated, October 5-6, 2007. The heading: P.U.S.H. I had written beneath that, “Pray Until Something Happens.” The pastor who gave this sermon taught me many things about scripture that have helped me through some very difficult times.
I heard this message just two months after my father passed and six years before my baby sister would pass. I remember thinking, well Lord, I did pray day and night. Something did indeed happen. My mother, my sister and my father are with you tonight and I am here trying to figure out why their deaths were your answer to my prayers! Through all the losses of my family, I learned to approach my Heavenly Father with honesty. He knows what I am thinking anyway, so I would just let the questions and the tears fly. He loves me like no other. I can be honest with him. My fears, tears and anger are safe with Him. I have journals of why me Lord? Why my mother? Why my father? Why my sisters? Why???? I learned from Habakkuk that why’s are okay. Life is going to have whys in it.
I am sitting there in that pew in my sorrow and my pastor gets to the part of his sermon that explains how God answers prayers. I filled in: Yes, Yes Plus, No and Wait. I recall talking in my head with a sanctuary of people all around me, ” So, Father I am currently at three no’s, big ones.” What have I done, that you would give me no, three times?
Then part two of the study came. There were three questions. “What If” prayer questions… What if I had not taken time to pray? What if I had not shared my heart fervent prayer? What if He had not listened to my prayers?
I remember tears welling up in my eyes. Sitting in that full church auditorium it just became me and the Father. Party of two! I realized that I was blessed to intercede on behalf of my parents and my sister. What an honor to pray for them. I recalled that my prayers were sincere and reverent and respectful, but desperately urgent. I needed help for my loved ones and now!! Then in this meeting midst the crowd I came to understand that He did listen to me and He did answer.
My prayer for all three of them then and for my baby sister six years later was, “please heal their bodies, restore their health, make them whole again. Had they stayed with me, there would be another time when their bodies would give to the disease they suffered with. He chose to answer my prayer completely… He took them home to be healed, restored and whole again. Never to have pain, fear or worries about their situation, ever again. He assured me that the next time I saw them would be a time of celebration!!
He has allowed me to stay behind and tell my story. It has taken me a while to share. I certainly know that every minute of every day someone is saying goodbye to someone they love deeply. It is our right to grieve that loss. I still have moments of overwhelming sadness visit me, but it is fleeting. That is the time I go deep in His word where he took me all those late nights, trying to soothe my fears and assure me that He was in control, that he loved my family more than even I. He had their best interest at heart.
I guess tonight, I have found why I “hoard” sermon worksheets. Long after the storm has passed, my eyes fall on a worn, faded yellow paper that causes me to recall the night in a church in 2007 when I had a “Hello Father” moment that brought me peace deep in my soul. All the time God is good, God is good all the time.
Scripture For Today:
Psalm 91:1 He who dwells in the secret place of the Most High
Shall abide under the shadow of the Almighty. (NKJV)
Prayer For Today:
Hello Father! We praise your name! Though at times we feel alone during and after loss, You are caring for our loved ones and at our side comforting us. One day we will all see what was going on in the heavenly realm during our storms. What the enemy meant to hurt us became a victory for our loved ones and after a time we who are left behind will see that victory and feel it too. In Jesus’ name. Amen.